Yall ever take sucha big shit its feel kinda gay
Billionaire’s Tears
By Vanessa Ricci-Thode
I get up up to the sound of screaming, and understand I’m going to die.
I shoot out of bed, calling for my mother. First thing I’ve spoken clearly in two days.
“Maria!” My mother bursts into my room. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
“S-sorry, Mamma,” I whisper, frantically searching for the right syllables so I don’t trip over them and give it all away. I can’t allow Mamma suspect I’m dying—or how soon it’ll arise. “Nightmares.”
Mamma’s smile is sorrowful. The world’s finally getting better, but not for everyone. For us, still struggling, it’s like it’s only getting worse. Everyone in the family has been having nightmares. But when Mamma accepts my explanation and doesn’t come across bothered by the screaming that surrounds us and has not stopped, to me, anyway, that’s when I know. I include a week tops if I’m lucky.
First symptom is brain fog, but I brushed off the disorientation as being overworked—ha, who isn’t, amirite? When the stuttering started, I was in complete denial. But the screaming. That’s the last symptom before your brain melts out through your eyes. This is it; I’m fucked.
“Get dressed, baby, you’ll be tardy for work.”
I smile, forced and
Edit
- Daniel Molloy: It's not an interview; it's a... it's a fever dream told to an idiot.
- Louis de Pointe du Lac: You slap an alderman? Goddamnit, Bricks.
- Bricktop Williams: He stuck it in my shitbox!
- Alderman Fenwick: I did no such thing!
- Bricktop Williams: Gave him a chance to draw out and he kept on fuckin', so I gave him a short-lived squirt of my catfish dinner for goin' there. Don't believe me? Test his dick.
- Louis de Pointe du Lac: Who the fuck you talkin' to? I ain't checkin' no man's dick.
- [Bricks raises Fenwick's shirt]
- Louis de Pointe du Lac: Oh, goddamn.
- Bricktop Williams: [to Fenwick] Hell, I mighta even said yes if you would just ask. But I don't protect who you is, you put a dick in an asshole without askin', that's against Jesus! Fuck you!
- Louis de Pointe du Lac: Emasculation and admiration in equal measure. I wanted to murder the guy, and I wanted to be the man. I had come there for Lily, but I left thinking of only him.
- Paul de Pointe du Lac: Are you one with Christ, Monsieur Lioncourt?
- Louis de Pointe du Lac: How 'bout you lock your damn mouth?
- Florence de Pointe du Lac: Lo
March 02, 2017
The Epidemic of
Gay LonelinessBy Michael HobbesI
“I used to get so elated when the meth was all gone.”
This is my companion Jeremy.
“When you possess it,” he says, “you have to keep using it. When it’s gone, it’s like, ‘Oh good, I can go back to my life now.’ I would endure up all weekend and go to these sex parties and then experience like shit until Wednesday. About two years ago I switched to cocaine because I could work the next day.”
Jeremy is telling me this from a hospital bed, six stories above Seattle. He won’t tell me the exact circumstances of the overdose, only that a stranger called an ambulance and he woke up here.
Jeremy is not the ally I was expecting to have this conversation with. Until a few weeks ago, I had no idea he used anything heavier than martinis. He is trim, intelligent, gluten-free, the nice of guy who wears a operate shirt no matter what day of the week it is. The first time we met, three years ago, he asked me if I knew a good place to do CrossFit. Today, when I ask him how the hospital’s been so far, the first thing he says is that there’s no Wi-F
What’s In the Box?
This is part of Revenge Week, a series about how vengeance runs America, from the White House to cheating spouses to that bad boss who totally deserved it.
You know that thing where you possess a crush on someone but you’re mean to them? It’s like nine-tenths of 10 Things I Hate About You. Skillfully, I was once so in love with a fella, I mailed him my poop.
It was 1986 and I was 16. It was a nerve-wracking time to be same-sex attracted. All you ever heard about gayness in most high schools were mean jokes about AIDS, so I kind of stayed in the closet at my Catholic academy. I say kind of because I was also enjoy a kid in a candy store. It was an all-boys school.
I was known to be favor Animal from the Muppets there, playing pranks and acting a fool. (A lot of that was just to get my mind off having the hots for half the student body.) But one guy especially made me weak in the knees. His name was Jason and he was what gays now call a “short king,” or “fun-sized.” He was also quite fit from being on the wrestling team. We met in rehearsals for the spring musical.
I tried not to swoon over him but it was all too much! He had big brown eyes, a plump bubble butt, and Pooh
The First Rule of Touring With Dave Blunts? No Shitting On the Bus.
All photos courtesy of Dave Blunts.
Haters will say Dave Blunts’ 15 minutes of fame are almost up. His response? “Damn, this is a long ass 15 minutes.” The rapper first broke TikTok about a year ago when he dropped the earworm lean addiction anthem, “The Cup.” Clips from the subsequent tour began circulating, sparking fascination and affect, with Blunts even intubated on stage at some of his shows. But he’s committed to demonstrating, and since then, he’s been carefully ascending in an industry he feels is wary of embracing his absurd and often incendiary lyricism. Earlier this year, Kanye West publicly offered Blunts both his personal trainer and his endorsement, calling him “the chosen one” and enlisting him to write his single “Cousins.” More recently, Blunts dropped his recent album, You Can’t Tell That, honing in on his melodic, unfiltered way before hitting the route again, this time to an even crazier crowd. “Bitches fainting when they meet me,” he told us earlier this week when he called from Atlanta to talk souvenirs from fangirls, working with Ye, and finally putting down the